The crowd screams, the stacks vibrate and the lights come up. As you look out into the crowd, you realize that you've seen some of these faces before. The young brunette girl in the glasses has been at the past 6 shows, and the skinny guy in the Misfits shirt sent you a Myspace comment to let you know he would see you again tonight. Then there's that woman in the baseball hat, the one that made the flyers for you..
Do you know their names?
Why not?
After the show, you boot up the computer and there are 14 emails from fans.
What do you do?

As I look amongst the sea of newer bands on the internet, I sometimes get a sick feeling in my stomach. Their Myspace tops filled with porn girls, their webpages thanking Gibson guitars, and their blogs filled with shit about how awesome so-n-so is for taking their band pics. (always leaving out the $500 fee they tacked on)
WHERE are your Loyalties?

When someone signs up for your street team, they are not getting paid. It's a labor of love. As a band, you should cherish these people. But apparently, most bands put them on the "whatever" list.
Last summer, I watched a band give their free VIP festival passes to 4 people who ripped them off in the past while their street team leaders were left at home unable to afford the tickets.
WTF are you THINKING?
Talk about some FUCKED UP LOYALTIES!
I've also watched bands completely ignore street teamers at shows when they are on tour. Many times, these street teamers have run their shoes off hanging posters trying to get publicity for YOU.. and this is how you repay them?

There are a few guidelines that you should be following to keep your loyalties straight .. at least to the public eye.

1. Top your Teams
Place your street teams in your tops on Myspace and put links to their webpages on your official sites.  The sites are set up to help you.. the least you can do is 2 secs of promo for them.

2. By Name
Thank your street team leaders on your official site and on your Myspace. There's always room to put a few names.. after all, you found room to thank everyone but Mother Tums and Aunt Jemima already.

3. Guest List
Remember that girl that has been at the past 6 shows? Next time you see her, introduce yourself, and offer to put her on the guest list for the next show. Even if she can't make it, the gesture will be a huge plus. AND.. if she can make it, she's guaranteed to bring friends to the venue to show off her guest status. (make sure you get her name) Your street teamers should always be on your guest list. These teamers are blindly working for you, it's the least you can do. Shame on you if you don't know their names to add them.

4. Old Timers
Some fans have around since the beginning. (Every band has one or two) You need to acknowledge their loyalties. If you can't afford to hand them a CD or T-shirt after their 100th show of yours, try announcing their presence from the stage.
Hearing "What's up Joe" between songs, or if you know them, dedicate their fav song to them. "this one's for Joe".
Cost you nothing, but sealed a fan forever.
NEVER ignore mail from Old Timers. Take the 3 seconds and answer their questions. You should NEVER be too busy for your loyal fans.

5. The Ugly Truth
NEVER.. and I do mean NEVER judge your fans on looks.
If you most faithful fan looks like Quasemodo's ugly kid sister, put her in your Myspace tops, acknowledge her at shows and give her all the props she deserves.
Running around Myspace commenting all the "hot" girls and ignoring the ones you preceive as "ugly" is wrong on more levels than I can ever list here.
Seriously.. you never know when being nice to the "fat girl" is going to pay off.

6. Money Money Money Money...
JUDGE NOT by the size of the wallet!
So many bands go Ga-Ga over a "fan" with money. Usually these Johnny-come-lately to the band's list of fans will flash about promises of "stuff". New equipment, starting a new label, etc... 90% of the time this fat-pocket is gone in a couple of months, meanwhile, you have ignored your real fans because they had no offers of grandeur. Any clue how many potential real fans you missed out on while you were kissing the money ass? Just don't do it.

There are so many bands out there that I would LOVE to call out on this subject.. a LARGE number of you are GUILTY of all the above listed infractions.. and seriously.. it's SICKENING.
But you know who you are, and I'll let you sort out your own issues.

For Fuck's sakes.. get your shit together..

Welcome!

For anyone who doesn't know.. I'm The Caustic Queen.
I give REAL advice for incredibly low prices (free) to bands and fans. (groupies included)

A little background for those curious as to what qualifies me to do so...

My obsession with the rock world started MANY MANY years ago.
Some of my earliest memories are of a Black Sabbath poster hanging on my brother's door. I used to stare up at Ozzy as "Never Say Die" would play on the record player in the room behind the closed door.
Fastforward to my first rock concert.. age 4.. Grand Funk Railroad.. I touched Mark Farner's hair, and I was changed for life... a few short years later, I saw Ozzy with a relatively unknown band called Motley Crue, and my fate was set.
By age 16, I was traveling with any band that would have me.
I learned by living you might say, and watched bands climb and fall from week to week.

By the time I was 18, I had developed a love for local bands.
I started out helping them get shows by walking into local bars and basically forcing the band on the managers. (I was very pursausive).. 
During this time, I couldn't help but notice that while many would criticize a band, no one was telling them how to fix what was wrong.
No one said "you're doing THIS wrong.. or THAT right".. people were simply writing off talented musicians without a word. Bands would fall apart overnight, because they were clueless as to what they were doing.
I decided I could change that.

I started by helping with wardrobe, and moved to performance and style, and finally to actual music.

In the years that followed, I took over promotions for several bands, and became the tour manager for one traveling band. I've matched musicians with bands, and band with gigs, and promoters with bands, etc.
I've celebrated with musicians when they joined successful bands, cried with bands as they played their first stadium show and held the hand of one musician as he made the wrenching decision to leave the spotlight he'd grown to hate .

I actually did try to have a personal life. College, marriage, normal career. I tried to be a good citizen and live an All American life. But the music screamed my name, and I returned to her over and over.
A few years back, I finally gave up fighting, gave up my regular job, and turned my full attention back to music and the bands that make it.
I now write for 2 publications,  and work for as a liason for a promotions company.

The advice I give is not from a text book. I have no fancy degrees on my wall.
I share what I've learned after years of watching bands succeed and fail.
It's a dose of reality if you will.

I choose to remain anonymous for mulitple reasons.  All I ask is that you respect my decision to do so.

I want to thank anyone and everyone who stops by to read...
I'm open to any and all questions.. though I can't promise an answer!

Until Next Time..
Be strong.. and Rock on...